Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
