I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
