Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
