i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize