Fine. I'll sleep in my office
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
