I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
