Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
