I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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