Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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