So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
