he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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