remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
