Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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