And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
