So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
