Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
