The maid of honor just puked.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Blood and glitter go together right?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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