Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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