I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
