I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
