McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
