You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
