how can u be prego again
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
there's paper in my vomit.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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