Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
