Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize