i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
