I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
