is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
