I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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