afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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