I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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