You're my little dorito
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Someone came in the potted fern
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
