She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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