I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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