sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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