32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
