last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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