i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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