He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
