one might say we're banned from that church
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
