Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
They took my balls.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
