I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
