See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
