Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The adults are the big ones right?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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