ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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