the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
