I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
