i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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