The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
