I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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