I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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