i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
