I think I died a long time ago.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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