problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
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