Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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