i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
