this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
