Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
