I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize