If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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