I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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