So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
