So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
