I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
