if i can run in heels then i can drive
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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