theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
