and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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