We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
