she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
